Up The Canal Without A Paddle

About a month ago I had a cavity. I got it filled. It was initially one of those ancient metal fillings which had started to decay and a new cavity was underneath that. I got one of those new snazzy white fillings. Looked real sharp. So sharp that I made an appointment to start the process of replacing all my old fillings with these new-fangled fancy-schmancy ones. Yes, I'm insured. About two weeks after my filling, my tooth was still hurting. I went back to the dentist. I've been going to the same guy for about 20 years. Love him. Nice Jewish dad. Twins. Turns out my bite wasn't sitting correctly. Took about half an hour, had to get frozen, bite on what felt like tin foil a half dozen times, and voila... bite was back to normal. Fast forward two more weeks. Still can't eat on the right side of my mouth. Am now constantly grinding my back teeth. People, okay my mother, kept telling me that sometimes fillings take awhile to heel, just give it time. Another week passed... PAIN HAS NOW FULLY SET IN. THROBBING, MIND-NUMBING PAIN. Okay, well maybe it didn't start out quite that bad, but I was suddenly finding myself having to take a Tylenol (TM) every 3-4 hours. Unusual to say the least. After a couple days, over a weekend actually, and Jeff telling me that it sounded like an absess tooth, and was likely all green & pussy inside, I called the dentist. Of course, he took me that afternoon. Jeff could be a dentist. Indeed it's infected & I need a root canal. No biggy - been there, done that, bring it on. I'm so spunky, so brave. He could start the process right away - sure, I said. Go for it. Here comes the freezing needle...

Dr: Is your bottom lip going numb?
Me: No.
Dr: How about now?
Me: No.
Dr: And now?
Me: Still no.

After 10 minutes, he proceeds to give me freezing needle #2.

Dr: Is your bottom lip going numb?
Me: No.
Dr: How about now?
Me: No.
Dr: And now?
Me: Still no.

He should have asked about my tongue. My tongue got the full effect of BOTH freezing needles and now felt like I had a banana in my mouth. Oh oh... having difficulty swallowing... tongue too big... this can't be good... starting to feel shaky...

10 more minutes pass. Here comes freezing needle #3. YES, FREEZING NEEDLE #3!

Dr: Is your bottom lip going numb?
Me: Nahhh...
Dr: How about now?
Me: Nahhhh...
Dr: And now?
Me: Uhhh Nahhh Taah Maaahh

I was trying to say "umm, not too much" but by now my tongue and nose we were so ridiculously frozen that I had lost all power of speech. My banana tongue had grown into a full size cucumber tongue - one that had been injected with all sorts of steroids to make it win contests alongside the super-sized pumpkins you see in those farming magazines. Actually, it felt more like my arm was in my mouth.

Now the panic had really start to set in... getting dizzy... have to drive home... can't freak out in the dentists' office... still can't swallow... even worse, can't talk... heart rate rising... don't have any atta-boys... can't take one anyhow... breastfeeding... can always pump&dump... i'll take a drink of water, that'll help... shit, can't swallow... water everywhere... AGH!!!!! And then I was at my mom's house to pick up Emma.

If only I could figure out how to attach the video clip of me speaking we took... well, if I could you'd laugh. Trust me.

End of story - obviously didn't have the root canal cuz I couldn't freeze. On antibiotics to get the infection down and will go back next week. Had freezing sufficient for a 300 lb. man! As the dentist pointed out, a Jewish mother is far stronger than any man, even a very fat one.