Scarred! (And Updated)

So the other night I thought I'd try making something new for dinner. Now, me and "new" don't usually work out too well. Cuz really, I'm nothing if not a half-assed cook.

But I'm a half-assed cook who loves calamari, except I don't like paying restuarant prices for it. Especially when you call it squid and put it behind the fish counter in Loblaws and it costs next to nothing to just buy all raw and slimy.

So I thought I try it out. That, and I saw some cooking show where the guy said all you need to do was heat your oil to SUPER DUPER HOT, throw a little lemon and some kosher salt, sear it for like two mintues and BAM! You've got calamari. But he didn't say BAM! cuz it wasn't Emeril, and if he did say BAM! he'd have likely been sued.

So after my mini-pedi, I went to Loblaws, bought my squid and some kosher salt. We already had the lemons. And came home with the intent to try something new. But first, I was pleased with how cute my feet looked, and loved my flip-flop tan lines - such a sign of summer! - so I thought I'd take a picture. You know you've run out of what to photograph when...

Jeff and the kids were home, having some snacks, cuz really they had no expectations of my "calamari" being edible or anything. But I was excited. Even if I was the only one.

I heated the oil to SUPER DUPER HOT.

And when it was just SUPER DUPER HOT enough I tossed on the fresh, oh-so-plump piece of squid.

And then...

BAM!!!!

Yes, I said BAM!!!!

(Anyone know how to make the fonts bigger in blogger? Cuz this next word deserves a big huge blow your eye sockets out of your head type of font...)

FIRE!!!!!!!!!

Fortunately Jeff was home cuz he put out the fire. The fire that absolutely DESTROYED my best frying pan.

But nevermind about my frying pan. (A reminder... my birthday is on Sept. 26...)

The fire. The SUPER DUPER HOT OIL. It splattered EVERYWHERE!!!

And as I feel to the ground holding my face and my foot, somehow at the same time, Jeff actually asked how I was BEFORE putting out the fire. I was quite impressed by his calmness. Cuz I was screaming, "PUT OUT THE DAMN FIRE!!!!"

But back to the more important part of the story. Specifically me.

And my face.





Just so you know, that big red blister on my lip is a burn from the oil.

I DO NOT HAVE HERPES.

Now check out my foot. Try not to barf on your computer screen.

Don't say I didn't warn you...
























So yeah. It hurts. Alot.

I should tell you, that these photos were taken at about 6:00 am on Day 3. This was after those huge water blisters formed to protect the skin. Y'know, the ones that rise pretty instantaneously? The same ones that moments after they formed, Michael stepped on my foot and squashed.

Water? Everywhere.
Me? Through the roof in convulsions of pain.

And the moral of this story is what, Boys & Girls?

That I? Should NEVER EVER COOK.

And BB? If you could, maybe, watch the children today so I could go to the doctor before I develop gangrene and have to have my foot amputated that would be great.

Oh... and can I borrow your car too? Cuz mine is in the shop. And I'm all out of Splenda.



(get well wishes & gifts are encouraged and will be appreciated.)


Just returned from the doctor... my face should not scar, but it really depends on my skin. Found out that I've been doing everything WRONG! At least concerning my face. Go f'in figure. Here, I've been putting Vitamin E on nonstop. Apparently that's a no-no. I've been keeping it too soft, when it needs to harden up to heal. After it does, THEN I can put on the Vitamin E. As for my foot - second degree burns. Perscription Polysporin, keep in covered, and don't let it get wet for a few days. Great. I've got to shower with my foot in a bag.