Happy Birthday to Me!

Rarely do I experience good birthdays. Normally, my expectations are unmet and I'm left reeling with disappointment. Usually these expectations are unmet because I wake up acting like a colossal bitch, picking fights, and generally saying that I don't want to do anything, just ignore that it's my special day and go about your business. And when I say it, I really and truly do mean it. It's just later in the day, after I've burned all my bridges, that I regret being such a c-nt & am forced to hold a pity party for myself because nobody else wants to have anything to do with me.

But this year was different... This year I had the birthday of a lifetime! As I mentioned a few posts ago, this year I was given an absolutely stellar gift from my sister Lori (the newlywed) and my brother-in-law Bill (tee hee... he's my brother-in-law!). And if you actually read my blog, you'll know that this gift was ON-STAGE tickets to the Rolling Stones (how cool is that?!). Anyhow, we went, we saw, we conquered, we drank, and surprisingly we made it home. And now I'll tell you all about it...

The tickets are put out by the Stones themselves, so it's under heavy security with which you must pick them up - you had to go no earlier than two hours before the opening act (Beck) was scheduled to hit the stage and show several pieces of identification, identification which is actually examined, far beyond the cursory glance of most credit card purchases. I mean, how often do I use Jeff's cards without ever being questioned that I hardly look like a Jeff. Unless of course I'm behind on the upper lip wax, in which case... fully understandable.

That said, Lori had to go pick them up because they were in her name, then she had to come all the way down to my house to drop them off in rush hour. How kind, eh? God I'm so Canadian.

With the tickets came a letter. Who ever heard of such a thing?? An instructional letter!!! Get this:

ON STAGE GUESTS:

Proceed immediately to the Windows Restaurant near the Renaissance Hotel entrance at Gate 15.

Check in table is located outside Windows entrance.

You will be able to watch Beck from a live feed in the Windows Restaurant.

Before we depart for the On-Stage Boxes you will receive a short briefing with instructions regarding your On-Stage Experience.

================

HAVE YOU EVER??!!

We got to the Roger's Centre (formerly called the Skydome - how gauche that Roger's bought it then changed the name! It's a fucken Toronto landmark for Chrissake, but I digress) and I'm immediately panicked by all the security. Not because I'm worried about terrorism (though I should be because we, as Canadians, are sitting ducks with no military, no army, no national guard), but rather there are security guards doing full-out metal detector checks on every person that enters the stadium. Normally this wouldn't be a problem, but there were also signs EVERYWHERE as to why the checks: there were to be NO CAMERAS, CAMCORDERS, RECORDING DEVICES OF ANY KIND ANY WHERE IN THE STADIUM. And puh-leeeze... like I'm going on-stage with the Stones and I'm NOT going to bring my camera?? Well, actually I didn't bring my camera. My camera is way too big and obvious. Rather I borrowed a little Canon from a friend - that's (almost) even worse. Sorry about your camera - the mean men in red took it. Hope you didn't like it too much. Shame it was so new. Ooops... my bad.

Sweating profusely, I allowed myself to be waved with the wand - camera in pocket rather than in crotch as initally intended (how embarrasing to have had to pull it out of my undies once detected). To the kind soul who lent me the camera - not to worry, I showered immediately before the show. In any case, not to worry, like I said it was just in my coat pocket. And with a wave of the wand and a full pat down, the guard grabbed hold of the camera through my jacket. Looked a me, dry-heaving at this point, and with a wink wink said "Cellphone?"

Jeff & I arrived at Windows Restaurant just in time for everyone to be escorted out and on to the stage. We were running behind schedule because I had to stop for my bday dinner - street meat. You think I'm kidding, but I love a good veggie dog from the subway vendor. I purposely didn't get onions just in case I was to be hanging out with Mick & the boys after the show.

Now when I say we were ON-STAGE, it's actually quite misleading. It wasn't at all what I imagined... not better, not worse, just different. Because we weren't so much ON-STAGE as we were IN-STAGE. Yup, there we were IN THE STAGE. Like, I was standing right next to the speakers & the lighted backdrop. When the fireworks went off, I was so close I actually had visions of Michael Jackson, Pepsi and my head going up in a poof of fire and smoke. You have no idea just how HOT large scale pyrotechnics are until you're STANDING RIGHT UNDER THEM. Between those and the music I can't believe I can still hear... what's that you say?

Our vantage point was unlike anything I could have ever dreamed of - we were on top of the band, looking down on them! Our view was the Stones' view. We saw the crowd as they saw the crowd. It was absolutely, positively wild. Sadly my vocabularly isn't strong enough to come up with a more accurate, more fitting description of just how WILD the view was. We were in these so-called boxes (not like the luxury corporate boxes you watch hockey games from in the ACC), but rather we were all standing along a ledge, separated by a railing between every 6th person. So for each grouping of six, it was called a 'box'. And each 'box' had a security guard... you know, just in case. Initially we weren't allowed any drinks just in case, on a whim, we tossed them over the ledge.

A: Officer, you have to understand.. Mick was sweating so much, dancing like he's 23 and all, I thought he'd for-sure appreciate a cool-down.

Security also made it incredibly difficult to use my carefully smuggled camera for the first hour or so. Got caught at the beginning, was "told", and had to be very discreet from that point forward. In the future, when I borrow a camera for an event, I will learn how to use it before said event starts. Smart as I am, it was really tough trying to figure it out, in the dark, concealing it under my hair. In the end, I got a few decent pictures, and even had our security girl snap an okay one of Jeff & I. Except my eyes are all bugged out much like that runaway bride in Atlanta.

The other thing I wasn't expecting was the bathroom situation. With every pee (and there were a few as we did manage to get a make-shift beer & wine bar in the stage - and boy, we beer'd it up, we did) we had to get escorted to the port-a-potty! It was located like 9 levels down this steel stairwell so the stadium insisted on escorts in case we should fall & die & ultimately want to sue and claim millions. And we would have.

After the concert was done (I'll have you know, the band - old as they are - did not break for an intermission!), we went to have a birthday martini at the Royal York. I couldn't decide which one I wanted as it's been like YEARS since I've had any hard liquor, what with the pregnancy and the kid that followed shortly after. I ultimately settled on a chocolate berry martini, completely with a Swiss chocolate straw, chocolate swirls and four, yes four, real raspberries floating in the bottom. Heaven in a glass. But I guess when you spend $15 (!!) on a drink you shouldn't get much less.

And at the bar we met all these Aerospace executives in for a conference. But that's a story for another day...

I had the BEST BIRTHDAY EVER. Thank you so much to Lori & Bill! From now on I'll try to be nice on my special day.